Grace Blog

One thing is clear when you read the Bible from beginning to end—God likes the marriage of a man and a woman—and He intends it to be for life. In 1 Corinthians 7, He counsels people not to divorce but rather to remain separated or else be reconciled. He even tells a husband and wife to stay in a marriage where the one spouse is not a Christian. Everywhere, His persistent message is to stay married if at all possible. Jesus made allowance for divorce in only one situation—where there is adultery. But he tells us that divorce is not God's heart—but the result of man's hardened heart. "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matthew 19:1-9). It is pleasing to God the Father when we are married for life.

Washington, DC seems to be magnet for single adults who move here looking for work. Consequently, many churches in our area have an unusually high percentage of single adults. We had a large group of single adults who faithfully volunteered in the youth ministry where Lisa and I served for nearly 19 years.

Over the years we have gotten to know many of these choice servants of Christ. Some have opened up to us about the pain they feel in their singleness—a pain that many of us who married early in life don’t understand. Many feel marginalized when churches focus attention on marriage and family. It is good for a church to uphold marriage and family, however we cannot forget that we have singles among us who long for both. In these cases, their singleness was not a choice they made.

While it is true that they are in a position of life to volunteer many hours to the church, we should realize that they are in need of service as well. Please remember that many singles long to be pursued by a suitor. We shouldn’t assume that they have been given the “gift” of singleness by God—many still burn with the passion for marriage. Some have a difficult time exercising self-control over their passions. We need to be intentional about serving singles with grace in our ministries.

When discussing marriage, biblical writers most often quote God’s words when He brought Eve to Adam and said, “And the two shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) But God also makes clear in Ephesians 5 that the marriage union is modeled after, and is a public display of, the eternal union between the Church and Christ.

Most of us have heard about the model for the husband and wife’s union being Christ and His relationship to the Church. But our marriages are also a public display of the union of Christ and His church. I think this is why God says that we have an “obligation” to one another and we are not permitted to “deprive” one another of sex—for Satan may tempt us to break the “one flesh” union (1 Cor. 7:1-5). Whatever else “one flesh” or the “two becoming one” means, it certainly means that we are to be in sexual union—joined in body.

To be even clearer, our marriages should have a consistent and joyful sex life—continually consummating and renewing our affection for, and affirmation of, the marriage union. Otherwise, we may be teaching poor and even heretical theology about the union between Christ and His Church—to our children, our friends, and our coworkers.

Most people who know their way around the Bible know that God consistently warns of sex outside the marriage covenant as a violation of God’s design and purpose for sex. However, it seems that many do not know that God also strongly encourages a full, frequent and fun sex life inside the marriage covenant! Their uninformed thinking may have been influenced by a church that wrongly understood what God said about sex in marriage, or by a postmodern, western society’s insistence that sex is only fun outside of a marriage covenant, or by a failure to read what God said about sex and marriage. The Song of Solomon reads like a playful, romantic and even erotic song between lovers. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, God commands married couples not to rob their spouse of the pleasure of full, frequent and fun sex in the marriage covenant — “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time.” God insists that there is a practical benefit to a full, frequent and fun sex life—it helps prevent Satan from tempting us to sexual immorality. We know that God warns of sex outside of the marriage covenant, but remember, He also warns of a lack of sex inside the marriage covenant. For some reason, the church and society often ignore that warning!

Sunday is Easter! Many of us celebrate Easter in various ways. Some of us grew up with a “sunrise service.” I have great memories of Easter sunrise services on top of a mountain overlooking our church in the valley below. Some of us buy new outfits for Easter Sunday, complete with new shoes and a hat! Some of us give gifts to our children as a way to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection. Some of us have family or friends over for a big ham dinner, ending with an Easter egg hunt. Although Christians celebrate Easter in different ways, one thing is certain, we should celebrate! In fact, it should be our greatest holiday—even bigger than Christmas.

The resurrection of Christ is the culmination of our salvation. He conquered sin and death, proved to mankind that He is God, and secured our own resurrection by being the “first fruit” with promise of more to come. As I get older and begin to bury family and friends, I find my thoughts of the resurrection of Christ and my own promise of resurrection to be more and more on my mind. Is this what I really believe? Do I trust it to be true that I will live in a body again? I find myself wondering why fulfilling my dreams are so important—as if this present life is all I will get. Read 1 Corinthians 15 again today, and remind yourself along with me, “Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law—but thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!” (1 Cor. 15:55-57).