Grace Blog

One thing is clear when you read the Bible from beginning to end—God likes the marriage of a man and a woman—and He intends it to be for life. In 1 Corinthians 7, He counsels people not to divorce but rather to remain separated or else be reconciled. He even tells a husband and wife to stay in a marriage where the one spouse is not a Christian. Everywhere, His persistent message is to stay married if at all possible. Jesus made allowance for divorce in only one situation—where there is adultery. But he tells us that divorce is not God's heart—but the result of man's hardened heart. "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matthew 19:1-9). It is pleasing to God the Father when we are married for life.

For our date night this week, Lisa and I went to a garden park to walk, talk and enjoy the beauty of God on display. While sitting on a park bench, we noticed a mother goose sitting on a nest, affectionately and gently caring for a nest of eggs with hope and patient steadfastness. It reminded me that God is regularly portrayed as being like a mother who is affectionate, gentle, kind—a “God who is slow to anger and abounding in a steadfast loving kindness” toward us. This phrase may be the most repeated single phrase throughout the Old Testament describing God. While God is always called our Father and portrayed in Fatherly terms, some of the characteristics of God are associated with terms of motherhood. Why? Because God is a Spirit. He is always reflected in masculine terms to reflect his role in the Godhead; however, he is in reality neither male nor female. Yet, because man is made in his image—in both male and female—we reflect both aspects of God’s personality. Mothers can look to God and see a model of love for loving their children as God asks in Titus 2:4 or a model for how to display a “quiet and gentle spirit” which Peter reminds us is “very precious in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:4). The apostle Paul describes his own ministry to the Thessalonians in terms of a “gentle nursing mother” who is “affectionately desirous” toward her child. And Jesus described himself as loving and nurturing like a mother, “How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing” (Luke 13:34 ESV)!

Parenting is both thrilling and humbling. Parenting is thrilling because kids give and receive love so easily. Children are natural lovers who haven’t learned how to hold onto hurt, pain or disappointment. Parenting is thrilling because of the power of influence. Parents get to influence a life for good or for bad—for a life-time. Parenting is thrilling because God entrusts parents with a soul that will live on for eternity.

But, maybe more than anything, parenting is humbling. It is humbling to watch a little life display your own sin patterns. It is humbling because we parents often love conditionally—while our young kids so often give and receive love so easily. Parenting is humbling because we realize that our kids would be much better off if they "did what we said, not what we do," for what we do is no better than what they do. We quickly discover that we both, parent and child, are sinners and in need of God’s grace. Maybe that is the best place to start everyday as a parent—giving them grace because we realize how much grace God has given us in Christ. Parents, "be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Ephesians 5:1-2).

Washington, DC seems to be magnet for single adults who move here looking for work. Consequently, many churches in our area have an unusually high percentage of single adults. We had a large group of single adults who faithfully volunteered in the youth ministry where Lisa and I served for nearly 19 years.

Over the years we have gotten to know many of these choice servants of Christ. Some have opened up to us about the pain they feel in their singleness—a pain that many of us who married early in life don’t understand. Many feel marginalized when churches focus attention on marriage and family. It is good for a church to uphold marriage and family, however we cannot forget that we have singles among us who long for both. In these cases, their singleness was not a choice they made.

While it is true that they are in a position of life to volunteer many hours to the church, we should realize that they are in need of service as well. Please remember that many singles long to be pursued by a suitor. We shouldn’t assume that they have been given the “gift” of singleness by God—many still burn with the passion for marriage. Some have a difficult time exercising self-control over their passions. We need to be intentional about serving singles with grace in our ministries.

When discussing marriage, biblical writers most often quote God’s words when He brought Eve to Adam and said, “And the two shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) But God also makes clear in Ephesians 5 that the marriage union is modeled after, and is a public display of, the eternal union between the Church and Christ.

Most of us have heard about the model for the husband and wife’s union being Christ and His relationship to the Church. But our marriages are also a public display of the union of Christ and His church. I think this is why God says that we have an “obligation” to one another and we are not permitted to “deprive” one another of sex—for Satan may tempt us to break the “one flesh” union (1 Cor. 7:1-5). Whatever else “one flesh” or the “two becoming one” means, it certainly means that we are to be in sexual union—joined in body.

To be even clearer, our marriages should have a consistent and joyful sex life—continually consummating and renewing our affection for, and affirmation of, the marriage union. Otherwise, we may be teaching poor and even heretical theology about the union between Christ and His Church—to our children, our friends, and our coworkers.